Finding Home

by Kristine Enger

Some people say,” yes, I belong here, in this world, in this life, in this job and I am comfortable with that. I am content, I feel at home”.

For most of us, it’s not so simple. In fact, we may feel we were born in the wrong country, into the wrong family and that life, in general, is quite confusing. Ironically, the more we start to ponder and search for where we truly belong, the less we feel we belong anywhere at all.

We start to question people around us. The ones who have lived on the same street all their lives, done the same things they’ve always done, not really gone anywhere. Surely, they must feel they belong, otherwise, why are they still there?

“But have they really lived?”, we ask, “or have they understood something we have not?” – as we restlessly traipse around the world, looking for that magical place where we can feel that sense of belonging, that deep sense of “yes, I feel at home here.”.

At some point on our travels, we could be fortunate enough to end up in a place and feel a sense of home, even though it is, for us, a strange country with an entirely different culture. It is like we know intuitively, “this place holds the key to something”.

For a while, it may mean that we will orbit around a mindset and culture that feel alien, and not be part of mainstream society. Not integrated and not belonging.

It can feel as if we have stripped everything in our lives away, layer by layer – country, city, family, home, language – all to clear the space to reconnect to a distant memory of something we only sporadically have caught glimpses of, something elusive, enticing, true, real. Home?

With all distractions gone, can we fully be with ourselves? Can we stand to sit, perfectly still, observing our breathing, our thoughts, our feelings, without running away?

Can we embrace life in this way, with confidence, not knowing what is going to happen next? Have faith in the moment and show a willingness to accept the hand we have been dealt?

So that one fine day, when someone asks, “where do you call home?” we can say:

“This is my home, where I am right now. I am deeply rooted in my life, I am with my life, I am observing my life and I accept all I know and see. I may not like all of it, but I accept that for now, this is what is. So yes, I am home, and I belong here – now”.

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