Author: kristineenger

by Kristine Enger

As human beings, we feel confused from time to time. Some of us even spend chunks of our lives in a confused state. Perhaps there is a decision we feel we must make about a relationship, a job, or a certain path that we had hoped to take in life. A niggling feeling something is off with the status quo. We feel stuck, we want to move on, yet at the same time we cannot see through the fog, there is no clarity. We don’t know where to go or what to do.

As the frustration grows, we start questioning, when are we going to have clarity, how can we get out of this confused state that we find ourselves in?

We spend time and energy analysing the contents of our confusion, rummaging through the filing cabinets of our minds looking for answers based on past experiences. We run possible future scenarios on repeat, easily causing heaps of anxiety for ourselves. We scurry around, asking for advice from friends and relatives, looking for answers, a way out, a new direction.

There is a saying that if you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Could it be so that no action is required and we’re off the hook until the fog lifts, seemingly all by itself? Could it be so simple that we are just required to ‘sit it out’, that the answers will come, and the path will appear?

Some consider confusion to be a good thing. That ‘in between stage’, that precious time in between the old and the new, where you are creating a new normal for yourself that has not yet materialised.

Everything might still look the same in your life, the same home, relationship and job, yet it feels like you have left something behind. The shoe no longer fits. You are in the process of attaining a new level of being, seeing, understanding. A more expansive way of viewing the world and your place in it. A new perspective.

In mindfulness we learn how to fall in love with where we are right now, and that from there everything will come to us, including clarity and the solutions we are looking for.

So instead of wishing that things were different, we can learn to trust confusion, and really sink into it, and accept it. Even look forward to it, embrace it, as it inevitably leads us to something new.

Spending less time analysing the content of the confusion, we find that clarity arrives sooner. Grounded action and which steps to follow next, will inevitably become clear.

Confusion becomes an exploration of what is present.

 

by Kristine Enger

Part 2 in series – read Meditation & The Busy Mind here

Have you ever been waking up from a comfortable sleep, with that sweet, carefree, holiday kind-of feeling, stretching leisurely and then boom! having what feels like the weight of the world descends upon you?

From a state of well-being, we seem to, in a split second, recollect and bring forward the sum of the stories of our lives, what we perceive to be our current reality. A reality, which, most often, has us in a vice-like grip of fear.

Is this a bad habit that we are engaging in, flipping into heavy thoughts which far outweigh, with their sheer number and density, more joyful, hopeful thoughts and a greater sense of well-being?

Researchers agree that we are thinking on average 65,000 thoughts per day and that 90% of these thoughts are not only the same as we were thinking yesterday, but also predominantly negative and harmful to self.

We seem to be replaying the same stories and scenarios, over and over. Giving our attention and energy to memories of the past, or projecting our thinking mind into an anticipated future, all done with a ‘doom and gloom’ mindset.

By becoming more mindful, we start to form the habit of observing our thinking patterns as they arise in the now.

On one hand, we see the gift of this newfound awareness, our ability to observe and create distance to our thinking mind, but at the same time, there is a desire to understand how these ‘go to’ thinking patterns were created in the first place. Why are they so negative, and have they served us at all?

As very young children, we had not yet developed discernment or the analytical ability to distinguish what was true or false. We believed everything we were told by our caregivers, as our pure minds absorbed all without questioning.

So, when we were told, “you’re bad”, ‘shame on you” or “you’re a mistake” we innocently believed this to be true. Inevitably, we developed a thinking pattern and modified our behaviour to suit what we were starting to believe about ourselves. We did this for one reason only: to survive.

If we did not mould ourselves to be accepted, liked and loved by our caregivers, it could mean our survival was at stake.

Most of the time, the repetitive thinking patterns are very insidiously disguised, lodged deep within the subconscious mind. The link to what we were being told as children, may seem to be far off from what we are experiencing in our daily lives now, in the form of relationship problems, anxiety, depression and so on.

However, as we sit quietly with ourselves in a mindfulness meditation practice, or embark on a journey of self-inquiry, we start to see this connection. Ultimately, we cultivate love and compassion for ourselves in this way.

Sometimes this is all that is required, to understand that these unhelpful patterns of thinking were innocently formed to ensure our own survival and that all of humanity has this in common.

Other times, coaching, psychotherapy or bodywork is needed to investigate further the origins or the trauma that set us off on a path of self-destructive habitual thinking and behaviour.

Either way, over time we may experience that the more we know about ourselves, how our thinking mind works, the more easily we can choose well-being over ‘doom and gloom’ thinking.

Thinking that feels fresh and new arises in this moment only and comes with a feeling of hopefulness.

Choosing to bring our mind and focus back to the here and now, opens the possibility to stretch out those wonderful carefree moments, and make them last longer.

To learn more about Mindfulness Meditation you can come to our group sessions (Mindfulness, Mindful Living or Meditation), or book in a private session with Kristine or come to her weekly support group sessions on Tuesday mornings from 10am – 12pm. Get in touch with us to find out more. 

By Kristine Enger

As teachers of mindfulness, we find more and more that people are longing to connect more deeply with themselves, to practice better self-care and to find ways to quieten their, very often, busy minds.

A mindfulness meditation practice teaches and encourages us to sit with ourselves in silence, you with you, and without judgement accept what we experience of ourselves in that moment.

Through different breathing practices, we learn to connect the mind and breath deeply in the body, we anchor ourselves within ourselves.

As everything starts to slow down, we may often experience a tidal wave of thought.

In mindfulness we teach: put your mind where your body is. Being anchored in the body is very unfamiliar to the mind, as it is used to jump all over the place, constantly giving energy and attention to a multitude of thoughts and ingrained belief systems. At times, it can feel like we’re trying to tame a wild beast!

Many give up on any sort of mindfulness meditation practice because the noise and velocity of the thinking that we encounter are too intense. In fact, many come to learn mindfulness to escape from all the thinking, and then find that they don’t actually want to give it up. “My mind is too loud/ busy/scattered for meditation.”

Nonetheless, as we continue to sit and breathe and on purpose bring our minds back in the body, over and over, with patience and not looking for anything in particular, we will inevitably start to notice a distance to our thoughts, instead of being trapped inside them.

This distance is the gold, it is the gift of our awareness, the ability to take on the role as observer to our experience.

By cultivating a practice of witnessing, somewhat dispassionately, how the constant stream of thought literally forms the backdrop to our existence, like a wall of water forever pouring and streaming through us – we may start to see that we are not our thoughts, as we drop away from identifying with the stream.

As we continue to observe our thinking, it is important to be tender with ourselves, develop compassion and humour as we give space for the bewilderment we inevitably feel as we become more aware of what our minds are occupied with.

It feels good to be able to observe our thinking mind in this way, instead of being trapped within it. Regardless of what we see.

In a way, we’re off the hook. We don’t have to do anything to control our thinking, fix it, hack it or change it – because it is simply not possible. For as long as we breathe, thinking is always going to be there. Just let it be.

The gift of our awareness soothes the thinking mind, gives it the space it needs to settle. Through practice, we notice our thinking becomes less intrusive, softer, less tempting and our desire to engage becomes less and less as we, on purpose, start to choose a more peaceful mind.

Next in this series: Repetitive Thinking Patterns – why do we think? (coming soon – follow our blog to get it straight to your inbox!)

To learn more about Mindfulness Meditation you can come to our group sessions (Mindfulness, Mindful Living or Meditation), or book in a private session with Kristine or come to her weekly support group sessions on Tuesday mornings from 10am – 12pm. Get in touch with us to find out more. 

By Kristine Enger

When we are crossing a muddy patch or a stream, we don’t always know where to put our foot next. Where we thought it was safe to cross sometimes isn’t, the stepping stone is wobbly and inevitably we end up with one very muddy, or wet, shoe.

Sometimes it’s difficult to see where we are going in our lives. It can feel as if we are walking blindly into a future not yet formed, with no apparent plan or purpose, as we cautiously search for where to put our foot next. This can feel disorienting and confusing.

As we have a desire to live more mindfully, being present to the what is happening now and not wishing it was different, it can be a conundrum as we don’t always understand what the present moment requires us to do. Or we feel stuck in our present circumstances, in some version of an eternal ‘groundhog day’ now.

Can we accept that the present moment is sometimes crystal clear and other times utterly muddy and confusing?

Only when we observe the tapestry of our life from a higher perspective, can we see the different colours, the intricately woven patterns, and how each thread was vital to the overall quality of the weave. Why certain things happened the way they did. Events that only years later make sense, as we get glimpses of the interconnectedness of it all, the bigger picture.

As we are busy living in the rich, mundane, bewildering now, wouldn’t knowing the bigger picture take away the learning underway, the interesting people we’ll meet, the sense of achievement experienced from the other side of a particularly treacherous crossing, the exquisite vistas opening after a steep climb, or the deep, soul love of another human being?

If this is so, that the final design is unknown, can’t we then just ‘go all in’ with abandon, trust and accept that we indeed can never put a foot wrong?