work – Mindful ME

Mindfulness in the Boardroom

July 5, 2017Cindy Stocken

I’ve sat in too many meetings to remember. Some are worth forgetting. The glazed over eyes, the growing seedlings of anxiety as precious time is absorbed by circular conversation and corporate jargon, metaphors and acronyms thrown around as diversions from the real work (amid the constant risk of being caught out as “not enough”). I don’t think I’m alone. You’ve been in that room too – you probably used your thinking mind to escape it – leaving your body behind to fill the uncomfortable seat and leaving you to consider your to-do list, the last meeting you had (“did I say the right thing?”), or the weekend ahead. I know – I’ve seen you – I can tell when you aren’t there anymore – your eyes are glazed over and your contributions are in the voice of your automatic pilot. Fair enough – you’ve probably had this conversation a few times already in 3 other meetings about the same topic. There was no outcome last time either.

So what if everyone (and their thinking minds) WERE around the table. What if the questions that were asked of each other were in a spirit of true collaboration? What if we were safe enough to put the real challenges on the table and were listened to with openness and compassionate attention?

Too good to be true? You may not be able to control the environment, the other people around the table, or even the agenda and leader if that is not your role. However – what you can choose is your own presence – your own level of awareness. What I know is this – your own full presence calls the attention of others around you to arrive too. It elevates the quality of conversations. When you feel really listened to – you show up and say what you really think, feel, believe. The same is true for those around you. By truly arriving in the boardroom you encourage others to do the same. This is how mindfulness shifts the meeting room from a time guzzling black hole to a creative, focused and compassionate space where we speak and listen with a clarity that is effective and exponentially more productive. Anxiety softens, stress simmers down and the loud clatter of thoughts in our minds makes space for collaborative problem solving, idea building, and learning.

Wonderful! But how? We have agreed that it begins with taking responsibility for our own awareness so let’s start there. You may love to jump to the possibility of a full 5-10 minutes of breathing together before the meeting kicks off but let’s be honest – this isn’t always possible and more often than not we would just settle for everyone not being on their phones and arriving on time. So let’s play with some practical ways that you can practice mindfulness in a meeting – and then notice if that changes anything for you. This is by no means an exhaustive list – but a great place to begin. Feel free to share your tips and insights in the comments!

Intentional Awareness

Yes – I’m going to begin with breathing. It’s not really a surprise is it? That’s because it works. Choosing to arrive by taking one, two, three or five conscious breaths before you walk into the meeting, or as you sit down, is a simple habit of cultivating intentional awareness. You are saying to yourself – “I have arrived. I am here and choose to be present for what is here and what unfolds, without judgement”. If mindfulness is about “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally”, as Jon Kabat-Zinn encourages us to do, then this is our opportunity to say “yes”. It is about letting go of whatever else is happening that is not present in the room or conversation. Sometimes it takes realising that we haven’t actually left the last conversation we were having, or that our mind is actually still focusing on yesterday, or perhaps tomorrow. A great way of checking in with yourself during the meeting is to ask the simple question – “What % of me is here right now?”. This is not with the heavy pressure of judgement but purely of awareness. When we notice our time-travelling mind we call it back to the present with compassion.

Recognising Boredom and Frustration

If you have been reading this far you might have already noticed this creeping in. Our attention spans are shrinking into bite-size chunks and we are already at 704 words here. Can you feel the restless energy of urgency spreading through your body? The tell-tale thoughts of time-wasting or FOMO chattering away in your mind? If your focus is stretched now or not – I am sure you can recall a time when it was. In our lives we tend to fight it – resisting boredom with handy distractions and nervous energy. What happens when we choose not to do that and mindfully experience the state of boredom instead is the subject of a whole other blog. For now let’s focus on that particular flavour of boredom that arises in a meeting environment. Someone might be stuck on their point of view, or you may be wondering what the value of you being involved in this conversation really is. As boredom or frustration colours in our view we become irritable, judgemental and we begin to close ourselves off. Not very helpful! These are all secondary reactions though – all resistance of the experience itself. What if you chose to see the boredom/frustration flags and bring your awareness (which has by now undoubtedly left the room or started creating stories about itself) to the sensations that you are experiencing. What does boredom feel like? Where do you feel frustration in your body? Tense jaw? Headache? Sore back? Numbness? Consciously attend to these feelings with your breath awareness and notice how they begin to soften. They may not go away but with recognising them we can get off the thought train journey that they want to take us on. We can choose to see them, know them and then bring ourselves back to practicing mindful listening instead.

Mindful Listening

If there is one practice that will make the difference in the boardroom – this is it! Think back to a really great meeting, a really impactful conversation. Was the person you were speaking with listening fully? Were you? I’ll go out on a limb and say that they probably were. In fact – I bet that you were listening with your full attention too. Mindful listening brings a tangible energy of presence into the relationship between communicators. The noticable way it sparks inspired conversation is balanced by exactly how flat an exchange feels without it. So why wouldn’t we want to have meetings where everyone is really listening? How? This is a little different for everyone – I’ve known some people to find taking notes helpful or doodling. Ultimately it is about listening on purpose. Ask questions and be aware of yourself as you attune to others. Simon Sinek says that “the opposite of listening is waiting to respond”. Notice your thinking mind and tune in instead to the person you are listening to. Trust that when you speak that they will listen to you because they have felt heard. Listening with non-judgement and compassion allows for intuitive action as well as approachability and honesty. Here is a handy guide to the steps of mindful listening adapted from Janice Marturano’s wonderful book “Finding the Space to Lead” (which we sell if you are interested in reading it):

Pause: check in with yourself – what filters and sensations are present for you?

Open: be clear about what is happening now (what is actually happening – not what you want/expect/hope/assume)

Listen Deeply: focus your attention with non-judgement and compassion

Speak the Truth: with the intention to do no harm

Noticing Distraction

Lastly is the kindness that we can bring to ourselves – the noticing of our mindlessness or autopilot taking over and the gentle, non-judgemental shift back to the present. It’s not about beating yourself up for drifting off but noticing that you have. Noticing that somehow your phone jumped back into your hand, your thoughts raced along to the next task, or that your ego has closed your open heart in a defensive stance to a perceived threat. When we kindly think “ah look – there I’ve gone off again” we can bring ourselves back with softness and space rather than anxious urgency. The more we practice bringing our minds back to where our bodies are the stronger the working memory, empathetic parts of our brains become. Its about creating newer and stronger connections in our brains – and the more we do it the easier it becomes. One of my mindfulness teachers explained it to me this way: the very practice of mindfulness IS the noticing of the distraction and choosing to come back with compassion for yourself. I get that. It’s the awareness of mindlessness that makes us mindful. Then we decide to cultivate ways to make it easier for ourselves to be mindful more often when we feel the difference it makes. Like breathing, or choosing to be present in a meeting today – even if no one else is.

20 Journaling Prompts for Mindfulness

May 8, 2017Cindy Stocken

Why Workplace Mindfulness isn’t just about Being Happy

April 16, 2017April 17, 2017Cindy Stocken

by Cindy Stocken

So is mindfulness at work really about always being happy and cheerful? Never complaining and forging forward without ever being tired, stressed, frustrated or generally jaded? Do HR departments run wellness sessions to create a better work/life balance or just create the appearance of effort while the pressure to compete demands more and more from us? Is it just another distraction from what really matters? What really matters anyway?

No wonder so many people view mindfulness at work with a cynical eye. Either they are being promised happiness or a “cure-all” for stress but then discover that it isn’t what mindfulness is about at all. The trite idea of happiness feels forced and inauthentic – and mindfulness as a word is being overused to the point that it feels like that team member who always uses the word “collaborate” but loves only the sound of their own voice. Too many trainings out there make people feel inadequate, negative or in need of fixing – and equate mindfulness with positive thinking. It’s not.

Mindfulness is not about being happy (although once you connect with true awareness you can find great joy in the full range of experiences – not just the pleasurable ones). Mindfulness is not about being positive and mindfulness is not about changing who you are. So what is it then and why are the benefits of it cited as invaluable by so many business leaders? How does it increase productivity by a reported 10 – 12%, decrease perceived stress in the workplace by 28% and make leaders feel 80% more effective? By understanding what mindfulness is we can dispel what it is not as well as identify some of the foundations underpinning its real benefits.

Awareness

Above all mindfulness is awareness. It is what Jon Kabat-Zinn calls being “awake”. If you have ever had those low vibe days at work where you feel like all you achieved was your physical body being in the appropriate chair in front of your computer but know that you made no real impact; you will know what disconnection is, what mindlessness feels like. If you have ever struck flow, when the channel of your skills, purpose and vision feels like a running river and you work with high energy, connecting with others and inspiring your team – you will know what it feels like to be awake.

Mindfulness is being awake, but it is also being aware of the present moment, on purpose. It is choosing to notice that you have drifted off in a day dream or into the rabbit hole of distraction (whether its procrastination or an overly snug comfort zone) and then choosing to come back to what is happening now.

Lastly it is witnessing and living in the present moment without judgement – as James Baraz says “without wishing it were different”. This is what opens us up beyond what we normally allow ourselves to experience, overcome anxiety and soften the feelings of pressure and stress. It doesn’t change our environment but brings our awareness to our experience of them – without trying to fight our response by judging it. It’s hearing that voice in your head and noticing it – rather than believing it. It is being awake as a conscious experience of being alive. This commitment to the present moment is what lengthens the space, as Viktor Frankl identifies, between stimulus and response. If we aren’t so busy being somewhere else we can use that bandwidth to be here instead and it gives us a lot of extra room to play with. So what happens in this space that we have now created?

Intuition

This awareness and presence and lack of attachment to a specific outcome opens up the next level of mindful work – which is an ability to hear your intuition and use it. This ability to tap into our flow, which so often before seemed mood or subject-dependant is actually a way of applying our wisdom to our purpose. It is the intuition that Malcolm Gladwell describes in Blink, the sense of leadership that Simon Sinek highlights as effective and authentic, and it is the intrinsic motivation that Dan Pink fires up in Drive. These make sense as we read them because we know them to be true – we have experienced flow before and know that our intuition is lit up when we do.

When we practice mindfulness and being consciously present in the moment we have a shortcut to this feeling. It isn’t fleeting anymore – it’s how we live. This is partly because mindfulness isn’t only about a formal meditation or practice away from our everyday routine – it is about being conscious in the daily action itself. It is why we speak about mindful living, not only mindful practice. When people report a 12% increase in focus, or a 17% improvement in work/life balance – it is because they are learning how to be present – not to be blown about in the wind of our thinking minds but be anchored in the now.

Understanding

With this awake awareness comes curiosity. In lieu of judgement we begin to wonder. Instead of handing out “positive” and “negative” labels we ask questions. This is the curiosity that sparks creativity and innovation. It’s the curiosity that enables leaders to coach rather than tell. It’s the curiosity that seeks to understand and then gives us the empathy and wisdom to be able to act as required. It’s the willingness and ability to learn and even apply what we now understand.

Grounding

So now we are here in the present moment, with full consciousness and the space for curiosity. Our senses and minds are fully open to a heightened awareness and because of this we can be more effective and resilient because we are able to consciously see/hear/understand what really IS happening around us – not what we wish was happening or wish wasn’t happening. This seems far from the ideal of perfect happiness because what might really be happening right now might not be good – but the readiness to accept it for what it is stops us from wasting energy and concern on the issue itself and gives us the focus to assess it, understand the root cause of it, make a decision about it, or creatively shift our actions as required.

You may have experienced working with leaders who have the clarity of mind to do this. They inspire us because they are accessible; we feel comfortable taking problems to them because we know that they aren’t going to get stuck on judging the problem but rather work with the reality as it is. They are honest and authentic as they work and are often the leaders who aren’t afraid to truly collaborate by making the meeting table a place to air what is actually going on and not just a ritualistic gathering of no purpose. Grounded, and dare I say mindful, leaders are exceptional in their ability to link their vision with a firmly rooted awareness of reality. They are able to tap into their intuition and connect with those around them by choosing to be completely present – meaning that they can listen, empathise and act in flow.

This is why mindfulness at work is about so much more than “happiness and positivity”. Wellbeing isn’t the exclusion of challenging experiences – it’s the compassionate attention of a deliberate way of living and leading. This is what softens the anxiety and stress and gives us the space to be authentic instead.

For more on workplace mindfulness and the sessions that we run please email bindu@mindfulme.me or click here.

3 Practical Ways to Create a Mindful Workspace

November 14, 2016March 23, 2017Cindy Stocken

Mindfulness is an internal practice and is non-reliant (and indeed non-judgemental) of the environment around us. We can practice mindful awareness and curiosity in any situation, although some make it easier than others! Workspaces can inspire or fill with dread – depending on how you approach them. I find that actively engaging in creating a mindful workspace can actually help remind you of your practice when you find yourself drifting into a chaotic cycle or even impact others as they enter your space. You may have absolute control over your desk, share a desk or have no desk at all; but with a few simple techniques you can create a space that enables and encourages you to approach your work from an inspired and mindful state.

Here are 3 ways that I like to curate my workspace – may they move you to consider and then create your own…

(1) a mindful anchor

This can be so unique to your practice – it may be a quote, or perhaps a plant, an image, a candle, a snowglobe, anything that when you see it draws your attention back to the present moment and encourages you to take a slow breath before returning to your task. I change mine regularly to ensure that it doesn’t just blend into the fuzziness of the background.

desk

(2) acknowledge the space

Before I begin my workday (whether it is behind a desk, in a café or in a training room) I like to really sit in awareness of the space and consciously choose to set an intention for the day. A short 2 or 3 minute pause can really set the tone for the space for the day. Try it out – before you touch your keyboard, start prepping or start working – do 3 or 4 deep breaths with closed eyes and then for a minute with open eyes observe your workspace. Look up, look around, become aware of the environment. Then set an intention of how you want to work that day and begin your tasks. On my best days the first task I do is set up my to-do list, but even on days where I find myself jumping straight in – devoting a short time to consciously becoming present helps me connect to my own creative and productive energy.

(3) a clean virtual desk

I save everything to my desktop. It’s not tidy or organised I admit – but somehow this doesn’t distract me (although I feel fabulously organised during my bi-annual desktop cleanout). What does distract me though is opening a new tab in my browser (which I see more often than my desktop anyway). Those super convenient “recent” tabs that prompt me to open up facebook, pinterest, youtube or any other regularly visited sites are often too tempting to the procrastinator in me. I know I am not alone in this! I recently discovered a great extension for Chrome called Momentum that connects me again instead back to my daily intention and to-do list, all with a beautiful visual and daily quote.